May: Loss

How do I even start to write about this month? My sweet sister passed away on May 10th, and my life will never be the same. I already wrote a post about the journey I have had in the past month trying to come to terms with this and to believe that it is real. This post seems silly now, full of things that don't really matter. But Beckie would want us to keep living life and that's what we are all trying to do the best that we can. That doesn't mean that it's easy, or that I don't think about her all of the time. It doesn't mean that I don't have dreams about her every night, and that little things don't make me think of her. That there was a lady at Farm Country named Becky, that quiet time while camping is painful. These are things that I know will not go away, but that I will have to find a way to live with now. That is what I am trying to do. So, in no way is this post about how my life is easy and fun and frivolous after my sister's passing, but is instead me trying to honor her by living my life. Like I said, my life will never be the same but the best that I can do is try to make her proud of who I am.

At the beginning of the month, I took the kids to one of those fun activities put on by the mall. My parents were in town to help us get some more work done on the house, so they came too! This one was all about mothers for Mother's Day coming up the next week. We read a book about mothers and then Henry got to paint his own little teapot for me so that we could have our very own tea party! He even made me a beautiful hat to wear. :) The whole thing was adorable. They had juice and cookies for us to have while we sat on a little pink sheet. It was so fun and Henry was so proud of himself! I've never seen him color something so carefully as he colored that hat.

Oh my goodness we finally moved upstairs! I don't even know how to say how happy we are to be moved. This has lessened so much stress for us, even though we still have a long way to go. Like unpacking everything, decorating, finishing work on the house... you know. BUT we are done with the refinancing, which is awesome and we have renters! They are great and have an adorable little puppy named Milo who has become Bailey's new best friend. They just run around and play all of the time. I will put pictures in when it is all finished, but for now we are just grateful to be upstairs and for Adeline to have her own room! WOOT!

The weather here has been so wonderful! One day we went to Farm Country for Story Time. Henry was so excited about being able to touch the chickens! He also got to feed a ton of animals and ride the ponies and wagon. I even had a pony ready for Adeline but when I put her on it she freaked out and lifted her legs up and wouldn't even touch the dang horse.

Don't mind the crazy hair. I tried to fix it and he said he liked it like that for today so... I left it.

Henry loves to ride the ponies! He is so big!

There's Adeline's empty horse...

And stubborn Adeline

Having a fun wagon ride!

After the farm we went to IKEA to have lunch and pick up some things for the house! We got barstools and night stands. I put them together and was so proud of myself! I always said that when we had matching nightstands we would be real adults. AND NOW WE ARE I GUESS!

We also spent a lot of time outside. I cannot get over how nice the weather is here! I know in the summer I might change my mind, but all I can think about is how it is still so rainy in Seattle and I'm hanging out in the sun all the time. :) We went to lots of parks, and played with chalk. This was Della's first time playing with chalk-and she loved it!

So, I'm trying to make new friends. It's the pits. But I joined this group thing called Peanut and some ladies wanted to meet to go on a hike! I got all excited and got there, and turned out I was a week early haha. But, I was already out with the kids so we did a little hike just us and it was a blast! This place was beautiful and Henry LOVED finding lots of rolly pollies. 

Another day I watched our friends' babies and we all went to the park. Having four kids is no joke haha. My muscles couldn't even handle pushing all of them on the swings at the same time!

After we found out Beckie had passed away, the kids and I drove straight to my parents house the next morning. Angie also came. It was nice to be able to be together. Then we drove all together down to Idaho to get Beckie ready and go through her apartment to get some things for the funeral. I cannot really describe what that experience was like, but I did write about it in the post all about Beckie. The experience was incredibly difficult, but also extremely touching. 

On my mom's birthday my uncle gave her an avocado. We were all talking and then looked over and Della was going to town on it! haha

The drive to Idaho was very full of people, but it was great to be with everyone

Finally it was time for Beckie's funeral. Again, I already wrote about this experience and I don't really have anything else to add. It was difficult and exhausting and something I never wanted to do. It was a beautiful ceremony though.

Angie gave us these little signs and we each kept a peonie from Beckie's floral arrangement. 

A couple of days later it was our seven year anniversary! It definitely wasn't a very joyous occasion, so we just went out to dinner with my parents and then put the rest of the celebration on hold for another day. It was the same thing for Mother's Day. But going out to dinner was really nice, and Henry wore his headlamp the whole time-with the light on haha.

One Sunday we went for a walk up Provo Canyon. It was so pretty, and I just love being so close to the mountains and canyons.

We wanted to spend some time up in the mountains to regroup and relax. For Memorial Day Weekend we went up American Fork Canyon with the Bartons. Friday night we made it up there and set up camp. We had tin foil dinners while the little boys rode Henry's bike around the campsite. We stayed up late around the campfire and then went to bed. We woke up after a rough night (a VERY rough night) to a nice little surprise puking from Adeline. A few times haha. But after that Jessica and Aaron met us at the campsite and then took us rock climbing. It was so fun to go climbing outside again! Then we had lunch next to the river and then took the canoe up to Tibble Fork Reservoir. It has been a long time since we had been up there, and oh my! It is so beautiful. We went back to the campsite and had dinner but then headed home because Adeline was sick and it was supposed to rain that night.

As a bonus, the next day Henry threw up about four times all over the couch. And then he had diarrhea every where. Like EVERY WHERE. And then Della got it. It was a REALLY rough few days. REALLY rough.

Henry's Highlights

• "Let's do that ALL THE TIME!"
• Mary Had a Little Lamb- favorite song
• He just runs around and says, "Tag" and tags people haha
• Still loves the song Silent Night. Also been wanting to read Rudolph
• LET'S DO THIS
• Everything "sneaks"
• "Oh thank you Mommy! Thank you sooo much!"
• Nighttime routine: read books, scriptures, say a pon-a-time, sing a song, say prayer, say "Sweet Dreams."
• "Look what you made me do"- favorite song to dance to
• Pooped in the potty!
• Always has to say, "Love you have a good day" to Rusty before he leaves for work

Adeline's Adventures

• Said "Hi" on May 19
• Waves to everyone, gives high fives
• 10 Months

• Gives lots of open mouth kisses
• Clapping fiend! She claps all of the time
• Loves The Foot Book and the touch and feel animals book. Likes the dinosaur book way more than the princess book
• Does a little shimmy dance when she's happy (especially after she eats)
• Has a rascally smile, scrunches her nose
• LOVES the water. Squirms out of your arms when you're getting the tub ready
• Used to growl, now she is a siren. I hope this phase is not very long!

Extra Pictures

For some reason, everything goes on her head haha

Making progress upstairs!!

My happy place

Henry loved this fishing pole. It went everywhere with him!!

Mr Bear had to hold it at night

Soooooo.... Henry decided to color all over the walls. Of our newly painted house.

The shirt Beck gave him for Christmas

She loves this little kitty!

One day she was so tired, but she would not give in. She actually fell asleep sitting up!

My angels!

So when I teach early, who even know what really happens. Henry came out and I gave him a cookie so he would go away and be quiet haha. After it was over I came back and saw this. He had shared his cookie with Della!

So proud of himself for sharing!